All that noise, and all that sound

The boy child told me today that his favorite song is Coldplay's "Speed of Sound". Which makes the boy an official hipster, I guess. Not being one myself, I wouldn't really know. Anyway, I downloaded it and we'll burn it on CD with a bunch of his other favorite songs (Blind Melon's "No Rain" and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Soul to Squeeze" among them) as soon as DH reminds me how to do that.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Did you know? The kids' school parties overlapped by 10 minutes, with the boy's party preceding the girl's. I had planned to run errands and eat lunch out (rare for me, the lunch out thing) before heading up to the school for two solid hours of Valentine fun, but while I was out I got a call from the school nurse. She had the boy child in her office, she said, because he had spilled chocolate milk all over himself. I'm not exactly sure why that was seen as a medical emergency, but there you go.

I should say that I'm not overly fond of this particular nurse. She's new this year, I think, and she has zero communication skills. Typically she'll call and say the kid is in the office and why but that's all she says. And so when it's a minor thing, I have to interrogate her to find out why she's even calling me about it. What do you want me to do? Was anyone hurt when he spilled the milk? Did he actually DROWN IN IT? Is he unconscious right this second? Why are you calling me to tell me my kid is a klutz, which I already knew?! Then I figured out that what she wanted (she didn't tell me, but I finally guessed correctly) was for me to bring him some clean clothes. This was 40 minutes before I had to be at the school for his party anyway, and it would take me a good 30 minutes to wrap up what I was doing and get up there, so I told her I'd be there in half an hour or so, and she was all, "Well, what do you want me to do with him?" Gosh, I don't know, lady. Why don't you smack him around a little bit? That's always good for a laugh. (Kidding! Just kidding!) She finally sent him back to class.

So I rushed through my errand and sped home, picturing the poor boy child at school, soaking wet, reeking of dairy products and all upset about it. I skipped lunch entirely, threw together a complete change of clothes for him (she did say, "all over himself", after all, so I brought underwear and socks and everything) and dashed up to the school, making it just as the party was starting. And the boy child was there, perfectly calm though excited about the party, and not at all soaked to the skin in gallons of chocolate milk like I was expecting. No, he only had a little spot of it about 3 inches across on the right thigh of his jeans. I pulled out the pants I had brought and asked him if he wanted to change, and he said no, the milk had already dried so he was good to go.

Again, the school nurse? NOT A FAN.

Okay, so the party went swell. Unfortunately the boy child's best (and only, according to him) friend was absent so they didn't get to pal around, but he seemed to be interacting just fine with the other kids. I left him a few minutes early so I could go to the girl's party, which was in full swing, and she seemed not to care at all that I was even there except that it meant she had someone to hold her ginormous bag o' loot. When the kids got home I gave them each a little stuffed animal, a giant heart-shaped chocolate sucker, a heart-shaped cherry Ring Pop, and a valentine card. They're still on a sugar high from it all, I think.

The only other thing going on is that I've talked to the school counselor twice in the past two days. The first was just to touch base on how the boy was doing (fine), and the second was so she could let me know what the plan was for the TAKS test next week. The boy child is exceedingly bright (if I do say so myself) but he's a very slow starter, so last year it took him extra time to finish the English/grammar/whatever section of the test. His teacher took him to another room and stayed with him while he finished, so it all worked out okay. This year he has to take the writing portion of the test, and while he's an excellent writer (for real!), he is VERY VERY slow to get started on that sort of task in particular, so I was a little concerned about what would happen if he didn't finish. So long story short, Plan A is that he finishes just fine with the other kids. Plan B is that when the other kids are finished, the boy moves to another classroom where he will be watched over by the school's reading teacher until he finishes. Plan C is that his own teacher will move to another classroom with him, and SHE'LL stay with him until he finishes while someone else takes charge of her class. I was concerned that he might not be able to focus if he's with a teacher he doesn't know, but the counselor talked to him about it and he thinks he'll do fine with the reading teacher. So we'll see what happens.

Mean mom takes a time out

Hello, I am writing this from time out, which is where I put myself a short while ago when I realized that if I didn't lock myself in a room somewhere I was going to start yelling at my kids. More than usual, I mean. It's okay, DH is home and is watching a movie with them in the other room. He is the Good Cop today.

I have just ordered the following books from Amazon.com:

• The Bipolar Child: The Definitive and Reassuring Guide to Childhood's Most Misunderstood Disorder (Revised and Expanded Edition) by Demitri Papolos
• The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene
• Asperger Syndrome And Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions For Tantrums, Rage And Meltdowns by Brenda Smith Myles

That last one is for the boy child, as you might have surmised. He isn't having a huge problem with meltdowns right now, but when I saw there was a book about that sort of thing, well, I had to have it. It will have to do until someone writes a book called Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: What to Do When Your Aspie Kid Is Driving You Insane and Won't Stop Tormenting His Sister and Oh Yeah, Here's How to Get Him to Stop Making That Noise.

The first two are for the girl child and were recommended to us by Dr. H. "Read these two books and see if either one sounds like her," he said, and so we will. Or more accurately, I will, and then I'll write DH a brief memo on the subject and we'll go from there.

I don't know if she's bipolar. I really don't. I'm really hoping not, because that sounds like it would suck. But she has very high highs and very low lows and it's not like her family history of mental health is all that spotless, poor kid. So it's worth looking into, I think.

On the second book, she IS very easily frustrated, but I don't think she's at all inflexible. If anything, she's overly flexible. She gets extremely bored with routine and is like the most spontaneous person you've ever met in your life. So I don't know about that one, but the good news is I bought it used for cheap.

So things have been fun around here lately! The boy child has been ticcing like crazy and we don't know why. His echolalia is out of control, and I can't tell how much of it is involuntary and how much of it is for the purpose of teasing his sister. I can believe that he would repeat what she has just said a couple of times without being able to control it, but when it goes on and on and takes on a teasing intonation after I've drawn his attention to it and told him to try to stop because it bothers her, I kind of feel like he ought to be able to step it down a bit. He's also been very huggy and affectionate lately, which together with the ticcing makes me think he's stressed about something, but he's either unable or unwilling to tell me what it is. It could just be the upcoming TAKS test at school, for all I know. Or it could be the full moon. Or the barometric pressure. Or the alignment of the outer planets. There's no telling with him, really.

The girl child is in a constant state of agitation because her brother won't leave her alone, because other kids at school speak to her in strident tones, because someone a couple of days ago looked at her funny, because her leg itches. With the boy it could be anything; with the girl it's EVERYTHING and I don't know how to help her.

And yet.

On good days, and during good moments, they are delightful. The boy child created an amazingly cute and pithy valentine box for his party at school tomorrow. The girl child told us over dinner about an idea she had for a huge collage of the world, with pictures of different geographical features blown up and others rendered very small, all fitted together to form a map of sorts. They played together wonderfully (loudly and boisterously, but wonderfully) all day yesterday after they came home from their sleepover with the grandparents. DH kept sending them outside because they were so incredibly loud, but I didn't mind the noise so much because it's way too quiet without them around.

Okay, so I think I'm going to go take a Midol and/or drink a martini and wait for my new books to arrive. But first, I guess I have to let myself out of time out. I certainly hope I've learned my lesson.